Nip and Tuck the Redneck Foxes:Or why I hate Virginians

Hey, people, guess what? That's right; the pride is back. I know the reason you wake up every morning, the reason you haven't given up on the internet or even life itself. It's because you wanted to read more smug critiques of other people's heart-felt creative endevours. And I'm here to deliver. I haven't had much chance for pursuing my life's passion lately, because, you know, a lot of crazy stuff has been happening to me lately(rape trial pending)But like Nero fiddling as Rome burned, I choose to bravely ignore the pressing issues of the day to focus my attention on second-tier furry webcomics.
Today's comic is a lovely little gem by Ralph Hayes Junior called "Nip and Tuck". This strip follows the adventures of two hillbilly foxes who live in Bumfuck, Scrotom County in the great state of West Chlamydia or some such. Haha, I kid, actually they live in the fictitious county of Malarky, somewhere in the deep south. But that cheap little rimshot serves to segue us into the real issues at the heart of this strip: The marginalization of the rural south.
First off, let's get this out of the way: Does this guy actually go by 'Junior?' 'Cause with a name like that you'd think his destiny would be to live behind a gas station, wear overalls every day, and finish every sentence with a hearty 'A-hyuk-hyuk!' Haha, I kid, I kid! As one of three southerners who apparently have both electricity and enough remaining fingers to operate a keyboard(I kid), Junior is in a unique position to champion his home region and put all those nasty southern stereotypes to rest(he fails). A man who's proud of his heritage, Junior has pumped Nip and Tuck just chock full of positive southern imagery - a refreshing change from the usual Hollywood fare of slack-jawed, sister-fucking yokels randomly firing shotguns at roadsigns from the back of rusty pick-up trucks until the local sheriff says "GOLDANG IT I'M-A GONNA RUN YEW IN" and hauls them in front of the magistrate who says "NOW SEE HERE BOY I IS THE LAW" and lets them off before preceeding into the backroom to don his ghost hood and go out for a hoot-hollerin' lynchin' while po' black folks shuffle along saying "FEETS DON'T FAIL ME NOW MASSA" and incest voodoo nutria gumbo mint julips arglebarglebargle. Okay, the short of it is, there are so many positively hysterical cliches associated with the American deep south that I couldn't list them all in an encyclopedia.(beleive me I've tried) And Junior is out to explode every one of those myths.(By making these people actually worse)

It's tempting to laugh Junior's complaints off as typical right-wing paranoia(which honestly a good deal is), but the truth of the matter is that he actually has a point sometimes. Rural people in America have been unfairly typecast as ignorant bumpkins and their problems ignored by a country, a media and a government increasingly focused on the more popular and more immediately visible problems of the big cities. You might think that the days of Appalachian destitution are long gone, but the truth is little has changed since the 20s. Rural America's schools are just as decrepit those in as those in the worst inner city slums, its hospitals just as understaffed, and the sourge of drugs, especially crystal meth, equally prevalent. The south, wracked by poverty and ignorance, is hardest hit.

However Ralphy boy is such a dumbshit, homophobic, racist, zealot(the only good arab is a christian arab) goosestepping fan of Ayn Rand(a woman that only Americans ever took seriously) that he keeps shooting himself in the foot(which he'll tell you is his right as a gun owner.)

Anyway, the strip: Nip (or Tuck) is the ker-azy, zany brother who loves to blow stuff up with dynamite. Tuck (or Nip) is the other one. Nip(or Tuck) has a girlfriend named Thelma Possum a a local bumpkin girl who appears to be based on Margaret from "Dennis the Menace." She wants to get in Nip's (or Tuck's) pants but he keeps putting it off.

There's then the strip's resident leftie strawman, a gopher named Gilly Gopher, is described as a recent arrival from "the big city," who, no doubt, has been educated stupid at some ivory tower(he's also must likely gay too) university until he can no longer appreciate the homespun wisdom of Malarkey's myriad rustics. And Shemp(!) the Arab camel(!) storekeeper(!) who sounds like Apu. He's also a a christian who loves America unlike the dirty filthy Muslims.(warning don't ever get Ralph started on Muslims)

But my favorite character of them all is Rabbi Hilliman the local Jew.(he has a synagogue but I've never seen a strip where anybody goes inside) I was raised as a Jew and even though I'm now an atheist I still feel Jewish. That being said what's so insulting to me is that the character of the Rabbi is just a mouth piece for Ralphy's christian zionism.

Christian Zionism for those who don't know is the idea that for the Rapture to occur the Jews have to have a independant state of Israel in the middle east. These people work side by side with the far right nationalists in Israel to fight any and all attempts for the Palestinians to get any land that is rightfully there's back. And the worst part is that christian zionists aren't really doing this for the Jews benefit but rather so that they can make The Rapture occur. Never mind the people who continue to suffer on both sides of a conflict that should have never happened in the first place, never mind that by continuing to throw support behind violent nationalists you'll only make more people suffer, and never mind that it's radicalized the arab world and made the west into the perfect villian. No fuck that we need Jesus to come home.

It's this line of thinking that both makes me laugh out loud and get angry at Nip and Tuck. His ideas are so backwards and ignorant that you have to laugh at them, but then again when you take into account that so many people hold views similar to him it causes me to get angry.

Nip and Tuck isn't just a enjoyable stupid strip, it's a good strip to help you get into the mind of a very sick person.