Rest in Pest you crazy Swede

Ingmar Bergman is dead today and if that isn't a loss to international filmmaking as a whole I don't know what is. There are giants among directors and he was among the biggest churning out these wonderful films about life and death. Persona is my favorite work of his but he had so many truly wonderful intelligent works of film art that it's hard to single out just one.

I don't want to write some long winded article on how great the man and his works were(after all you as a film lover should know that right now.) All I wanted to say is that like Kurosawa before him he was a director who shaped how the very ideas of fimmaking should work.

Plus it's kinda cool that whenever somebody thinks of Death the first image that usually get's brought up is Bergman's. And that's gotta count for something.

Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man

In honor of the recently released Stone Cold on DVD (one of the single greatest films ever made), I thought I would finally check out Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man. Even though they've both got gratuitous tits, bar brawls, helicopter action, and a thwarted store robber opening, you couldn't get 2 biker flicks any more different.The dvd opened with a "The title of this movie doesn't endorse any product and no sponsor has given approval of this, blah blah blah..." disclaimer. How was this movie titled what it was without consent? With that said, I can't see a flick like this getting made by a major studio nowadays. I knew I was in for something special when the list of actors in the title credits ended with "and Tom Sizemore". It's got such a weird eclectic cast (Vanessa Williams, Tia Carrere, Big John Studd, etc) in addition to the 2 leads.It's a strange mixture of elements, a generic revenge story with bizarre pacing, and flick that has one foot in the "near future" without any commitment at all, especially from the production design department. What was the point of the "futuristic" setting? Besides the new designer drug (which doesn't really need to rely on a sci-fi setup) and the Burbank airport (ok...)... oh yeah and Daniel "The ugly one" Baldwin's leather (I mean Japanese Kevlar) trenchcoat, I can't figure out why this flick takes place in the future. The movie plays out almost as if the writer and director said "Well, we have access to some bikes, some leather trenchcoats, an airplane graveyard, and lots of guns... What should we do?" I can't help but think they weren't given much money and it shows. I got a kick out of it, but in a way that seems like I also hate myself for watching it.

This is a feeling I rarely if ever usually have.

Nip and Tuck the Redneck Foxes:Or why I hate Virginians

Hey, people, guess what? That's right; the pride is back. I know the reason you wake up every morning, the reason you haven't given up on the internet or even life itself. It's because you wanted to read more smug critiques of other people's heart-felt creative endevours. And I'm here to deliver. I haven't had much chance for pursuing my life's passion lately, because, you know, a lot of crazy stuff has been happening to me lately(rape trial pending)But like Nero fiddling as Rome burned, I choose to bravely ignore the pressing issues of the day to focus my attention on second-tier furry webcomics.
Today's comic is a lovely little gem by Ralph Hayes Junior called "Nip and Tuck". This strip follows the adventures of two hillbilly foxes who live in Bumfuck, Scrotom County in the great state of West Chlamydia or some such. Haha, I kid, actually they live in the fictitious county of Malarky, somewhere in the deep south. But that cheap little rimshot serves to segue us into the real issues at the heart of this strip: The marginalization of the rural south.
First off, let's get this out of the way: Does this guy actually go by 'Junior?' 'Cause with a name like that you'd think his destiny would be to live behind a gas station, wear overalls every day, and finish every sentence with a hearty 'A-hyuk-hyuk!' Haha, I kid, I kid! As one of three southerners who apparently have both electricity and enough remaining fingers to operate a keyboard(I kid), Junior is in a unique position to champion his home region and put all those nasty southern stereotypes to rest(he fails). A man who's proud of his heritage, Junior has pumped Nip and Tuck just chock full of positive southern imagery - a refreshing change from the usual Hollywood fare of slack-jawed, sister-fucking yokels randomly firing shotguns at roadsigns from the back of rusty pick-up trucks until the local sheriff says "GOLDANG IT I'M-A GONNA RUN YEW IN" and hauls them in front of the magistrate who says "NOW SEE HERE BOY I IS THE LAW" and lets them off before preceeding into the backroom to don his ghost hood and go out for a hoot-hollerin' lynchin' while po' black folks shuffle along saying "FEETS DON'T FAIL ME NOW MASSA" and incest voodoo nutria gumbo mint julips arglebarglebargle. Okay, the short of it is, there are so many positively hysterical cliches associated with the American deep south that I couldn't list them all in an encyclopedia.(beleive me I've tried) And Junior is out to explode every one of those myths.(By making these people actually worse)

It's tempting to laugh Junior's complaints off as typical right-wing paranoia(which honestly a good deal is), but the truth of the matter is that he actually has a point sometimes. Rural people in America have been unfairly typecast as ignorant bumpkins and their problems ignored by a country, a media and a government increasingly focused on the more popular and more immediately visible problems of the big cities. You might think that the days of Appalachian destitution are long gone, but the truth is little has changed since the 20s. Rural America's schools are just as decrepit those in as those in the worst inner city slums, its hospitals just as understaffed, and the sourge of drugs, especially crystal meth, equally prevalent. The south, wracked by poverty and ignorance, is hardest hit.

However Ralphy boy is such a dumbshit, homophobic, racist, zealot(the only good arab is a christian arab) goosestepping fan of Ayn Rand(a woman that only Americans ever took seriously) that he keeps shooting himself in the foot(which he'll tell you is his right as a gun owner.)

Anyway, the strip: Nip (or Tuck) is the ker-azy, zany brother who loves to blow stuff up with dynamite. Tuck (or Nip) is the other one. Nip(or Tuck) has a girlfriend named Thelma Possum a a local bumpkin girl who appears to be based on Margaret from "Dennis the Menace." She wants to get in Nip's (or Tuck's) pants but he keeps putting it off.

There's then the strip's resident leftie strawman, a gopher named Gilly Gopher, is described as a recent arrival from "the big city," who, no doubt, has been educated stupid at some ivory tower(he's also must likely gay too) university until he can no longer appreciate the homespun wisdom of Malarkey's myriad rustics. And Shemp(!) the Arab camel(!) storekeeper(!) who sounds like Apu. He's also a a christian who loves America unlike the dirty filthy Muslims.(warning don't ever get Ralph started on Muslims)

But my favorite character of them all is Rabbi Hilliman the local Jew.(he has a synagogue but I've never seen a strip where anybody goes inside) I was raised as a Jew and even though I'm now an atheist I still feel Jewish. That being said what's so insulting to me is that the character of the Rabbi is just a mouth piece for Ralphy's christian zionism.

Christian Zionism for those who don't know is the idea that for the Rapture to occur the Jews have to have a independant state of Israel in the middle east. These people work side by side with the far right nationalists in Israel to fight any and all attempts for the Palestinians to get any land that is rightfully there's back. And the worst part is that christian zionists aren't really doing this for the Jews benefit but rather so that they can make The Rapture occur. Never mind the people who continue to suffer on both sides of a conflict that should have never happened in the first place, never mind that by continuing to throw support behind violent nationalists you'll only make more people suffer, and never mind that it's radicalized the arab world and made the west into the perfect villian. No fuck that we need Jesus to come home.

It's this line of thinking that both makes me laugh out loud and get angry at Nip and Tuck. His ideas are so backwards and ignorant that you have to laugh at them, but then again when you take into account that so many people hold views similar to him it causes me to get angry.

Nip and Tuck isn't just a enjoyable stupid strip, it's a good strip to help you get into the mind of a very sick person.

Miller's Crossing: A movie we don't deserve

The Coen brothers have been one of my very favorite film teams ever since their first classic Blood Simple and I'm a die hard defender of almost every film they've done.(even the misguided Crimewave with Sam Raimi) But there is one film of theirs that I hold above all others and that's Miller's Crossing.

One of the reasons I love this movie is that it is so *deliberate*. There are no accidents in this film. Everything that happens on screen happens for a reason, and every character and line serves the film and the world that is being created. In that respect, I consider this to be a perfect film. There is nothing in it that, for me, breaks the magic. And the other reason I love it so is that it's both a straight up hard-boiled crime film and a rather intelligent parody.

The film is like every single Noir film taken up three notches.

Consider the ridiculously over-the-top sequence featuring Albert Finney fearlessly leaping out of a window like some circus acrobat and then pumping a million bullets into the guy in his room above and then the fleeing car.Consider the ridiculous number of beatings Gabriel Byrne takes without ever showing the slightest sign of inconvenience. Notice also that they all end with him delivering a wisecrack.Consider the ridiculously over-the-top violence going on in the background whenever Tom walks out to talk to the chief - who is a loaded caricature of powerless police chiefs of both cinema and literature.Consider the exchanges between Tom and Verna, which all follow the path of tepid greetings -> descent into unpleasantness and mutual despising -> jumping into bed/ripping each other's clothes off etc in about two mintutes.Consider the relationship between the mob and the police. Collusion between both parties is always implicit and occasionally explicit in gangster movies - but in Miller's Crossing the mobsters actually lead the police. Look at the hilarious shootout scene (which has a great comedy machine-gun reveal) - it's the mobster who leads the attack. And finally Consider the exchanges between Tom and Verna during the 'hat dream' speech. Most action/gangster flicks hit a point where the lead protagonist regales some experience or dream that had life-changing consequences. Verna plays along with this:'And you chased it, right? You ran and ran, finally caught up to it and you picked it up. But it wasn't a hat anymore and it changed into something else, something wonderful. Only for Tom to cut her and the audience dead with a response that highlights the silliness of it all:Nah, it stayed a hat and no, I didn't chase it. Nothing more foolish than a man chasin' his hat.

Most of the examples I've cited above also come from Red Harvest. Everything in the film that has to do with cops and the mob -- right from the book. the city leaders in Leo's pocket, the mob running the cops, the new mobsters becoming cops after a regime change, and the casual and constant background violence. All of which makes Miller's Crossing even better. It's a spectacular film because it has such a mixture of serious action, commentary and pure outrageousness. It manages to be deadly serious and take the piss at the same time. The film is meant to be funny, absolutely, but it's also intelligent complex and as morally dark as the great noir films added an extra layer to it.

Miller's Crossing is one of my very favorite films and one of the great subversive gangster movies ever made.

Give hip-hop a fuckin' break

There's a a few things in life that make me truly ill(actually there's a lot of things in life that make me ill) and one of them is this double standard that people have regarding rap and hip-hop. It's fucking annoying for a die hard fan like me to hear people constantly talk about hip-hop like it's nothing but ho-slappin', drug dealin', Cop Killin', and bling-wearing gangsta crap. They hold it to a cultural double standard that they don't hold to any other form of popular music and I'm pretty sick of it.

First Look a little harder, dig a little deeper, and understand that some of the problems with modern hip hop is just one consequence of a societal structure that values capitalism at all costs. Materialism isn't just something Black hip hoppers are concerned with. The popularity of celebutants like Paris and Nicole are more than enough proof that sex and money are popular with everyone. So spinning rims on a Chevy is a huge negative for a black guy, but a soccer mom in a gigantic SUV is perfectly alright. They are both examples of a materialistic lifestyle. This is AMERICA, pal. You can't indict a particular group of people without it reflecting on the whole of the country. Is materialism a problem for black people? Certainly. But go to a mall and tell me it isn't a problem for every person, of every race.

Now to make myself very clear. I have absolutely no problem with legitimate criticisms of the popular culture; rap being a part of that culture, I have no problems with that either. However, the idea that 'rap' espically gangsta rap is to blame for black society's ills is fucking stupid, and very akin to blaming the problems of the 60's on rock n' roll. If you can step back and be objective about it, it's pretty clear that music, while pervasive and culturally relevant, is hardly ever the root of a problem. What it comes down to, I think, is a case where you simply don't like either a) rap music, b) young black culture, or c) both. A is certainly acceptable. However Is rap music telling black people to do drugs cause its cool? Demographically speaking, America has a drug problem. You're not gonna go sell coke on the street corner cause Young Jeezy makes it sound cool anymore than I'm gonna rail a line because Charlie Sheen is so awesome. Drug use is way more complicated, in its implications, than anything in rap music. At the same time, individual drug abuse is pretty straightforward (I want to get high, motherfucker!) and has nothing to do with a particular genre of music. I live in a city that back in the 60's and 70's flooded the world with Heroin, but you don't see me blaming Corsican folk music for what they where doing. Is rap music telling black men to degrade their women? no more than any hair metal band in the 80's(of course rappers say fuck more so people feel uncomfortable) And really it seems to me that the problem with respecting women stems from not having a male role model around who actually respects women. Another issue, that. So what of the numerous titty bars here in Marseille(best in France)? Do all people who visit there hate women? What about Chinese wife-beaters? Do they all listen to rap? Unlikely. I find the videos that come on late on BET pretty horrible(Jesus they suck). But honestly have you ever seen the female wrestlers on WWE? Abusing and degrading women is by no means limited to black culture. And it's certainly not the only culture that glorifies it. I don't defend it, because it's a real issue. But I'm not gonna condemn the whole of hip-hop culture for its more misogynistic tendencies anymore than I can condemn the whole Spanish and Latino culture for it's more misogynistic machismo.

Plus you gotta admit "3 5 7 to your fore-head, they'll be more dead, cause I'm a pro, kid." sounds pretty badass.

Violence in movies is overrated

Everyday I keep hearing this get brought up on everything from the local news to websites, to radio. Movies like both Hostels, and Saw show us how violent the films our teenagers watch are. And in my opinion it's actually a fucking stupid argument.

First off the whole "kids are so darn desensitized these days. That's why they love these violent video games and movies so much." argument has been around for, what, at least fifty years now? You can follow the bouncing ball back through the decades--SEVEN, FRIDAY THE 13TH, DAWN OF THE DEAD, JAWS, BONNIE AND CLYDE(which was back when I was a kid), THE EXORCIST, etc.--and at each stop, you'll find someone trotting out that old chestnut. It's how we rationalize the fact that our generation may no longer be leading the cultural charge. If kids today truly craved nothing more than gut-churning violence and despair, Consumption Junction would be the most popular site on the internet. YouTube would be filled with videos of kids screaming in agony instead of videos of people lip-syncing to shitty 80s theme songs. American Idol would be cancelled and the Nintendo Wii would collect dust on store shelves. It all goes back to that hysterical, "Our society is crumbling!" fear-mongering that guys like Pat Robertson specialize in.

And second of all the popular arguments that torture porn (or whatever stupid thing it's called right now) has no redeeming values is also pretty stupid. These are the EXACT SAME arguments that people were leveling against slasher movies back in the 80s. They were wrong then, and they're wrong now. Effective horror acts as a metaphor for the stuff that scares us. It distills our subconscious fears into a tangible boogeyman that we can actually defeat. We live in a world where monsters are hijacking planes and slamming them into buildings, where monsters are abducting journalists and sawing their heads off in front of the entire world, and where the most powerful government in the world is helpless to stop it because they're too busy stacking illegal prisoners into human pyramids. The world has always been an ugly, thuggish place, but it's rarely been so fucking blatant about it. So if violent films can offer a little bit of catharsis, if it can give a name and a face to the ghouls who scare the bejeezus out of us...well, that's kind of the whole point. You may not like it, you may get upset when you see it, and that's fine. they aren't supposed to be for everybody. And I'll be the first to admit that a large percentage of the films that fall under the (ugh) torture porn banner have been shoddy, amateurish pieces of shit. But acting like these movies have nothing to say and no reason to exist is naive.

Now of course the motivation is to make money. That's the motivation for every single studio film that's ever been created. Anybody who suggests otherwise knows fuck-all about how movies get made. That said, there's a reason it's called subtext. Most of the guys making giant bug movies in the fifties probably weren't consciously trying to comment on nuclear paranoia. Subtext can still exist, regardless of whether it was intenional.

I didn't seek out I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE when I was ten because I wanted to support women's rights. People aren't going to buy tickets for TRANSFORMERS because they're intrigued by the parallels of a faceless enemy that infiltrates our society to destroy us from within. Of course the violence is a lure. Of course it's designed to titillate. But the question is WHY this sort of violence resonates with today's audiences. We don't judge art (even bad art) in a cultural vacuum, and when entire demographics start gravitating toward certain forms of entertainment, there's usually a reason. Brushing off the appeal of Hostel or Saw or any other film of it's ilk as the simple desire to see red stuff is, I think, missing the point in a big way.

The Tao of Woo

In a list of great directors that I love more than just about anything, two names are easily at the top of the list Akira Kurosawa and John Woo. And tonight I'm gonna get my Woo on.

Blessed with a small budget and the Hong Kong stuntman's union, Woo's earlier work was as free form and on-the-(Ringo)-lam as his beloved Mean Streets and French New Wave and it shows. The relative malaise of having a US$ budget big enough to fix things in post and a producer who isn't the gonzo Tsui Hark monitering your output is always going to dampen things.
Or merely force you play by the "rules" a little more.
But back in the day, Woo could effortlessly freeze frame on two characters to unite them in one glorious cut in a far more meaningful way than any linguitic exchange could ever hope to achieve. His films owe as much to the subversive melodramas of Douglas Sirk as they do to the tough-as-nails westerns of Sam Peckinpah. His characters cry, blee, and more often than not die for each other and the violence that they inflict and recieve in equal messure is often times more pretty than ugly. And to think Clint Eastwood of all people gets queried for his mildly "odd" stylistic traits.

He has directed films both before and after his mid-80's peak but even if he never worked again A Better Tomorrow 1&2, The Killer, Bullet in the Head, Once a Thief, and Hard-Boiled would still be considered classics. And frankly I'd still rather watch the strangely sporadic moments of greatness in Hard Target, Broken Arrow, and Face-Off than another dull and pointless Matrix rip-off .

At least John Woo can film and action scene.

Harikiri: A film you must see

When I first started to get into Japanese films it was always irritating to see new films which trumped my last ‘best Samurai Film I’ve ever seen’ recommendation. While I still hold to the virtues of Sword of Doom , and Samurai Rebellion, Harikiri is better on just about every level. Essentially telling the story of how a conman Ronin was forced to commit Seppuku in the most horrific way possible (with suitably nasty demonstration of how to disembowel oneself with a bamboo sword), Harikiri is a full forced attack on the notion of Samurai honour. The story, largely told in flashback, is delivered by a half starved and haggard ronin named Hanshiro Tsugamoto (played with a wonderful melachonly by Tatsuya Nakadai). Originally appearing as if he just wants to commit suicide on the ground of the Iyi Clan it soon becomes apparent that he has a vested interest in the forced suicide. What emerges is a battle between humanism and the samurai code as Tsugamoto attempts to explain what drove the young ronin to sell his swords and attempt to con the clan. Beautifully filmed and staged Harikiri is chock full of graceful moments which really cement Kobayashi as one of Japan’s best directors. The few action scenes, while not spectacular in a traditional sense, have a wonderful sense of realism and vitality to them.

This film, highly unfortunately, seems to have been very overshadowed in history. I wonder why that is - it's a brilliant film, just as good as any famous samurai film. It has all the facets that define the great films in the genre - the structural cleverness of Rashomon, the engrossing storytelling of The Seven Samurai, the visual beauty of Ran. Yet, you hardly evr hear this film being mentioned which is quite sad. Fortuntantly the Criterion Collection has a pretty great DVD of this film out and I would recommend this film to anybody.

Of course you shouldn't expect the Seven Samurai. It's not as joyous an experience (and that's putting it rather mildly). But it is an important Japanese film and one of my favorite films of all time.

My love hate relationship with Black Lagoon

Among the many film forms of Asia Japanese animation puzzles me more than just about any other. I enjoy a couple of shows but on a whole the form leaves me empty. I enjoy anime for the visual aspects but I can't stand to writing on hardly any of the shows.

Black Lagoon is a pretty perfect example of this. On one hand the series has some excellent action beats and well designed characters on the other hand the writing of this series teeters on the incompetent. Black Lagoon's characters spout out I nigh constant amount of cliches and bong hit philosophy which makes the entire series feel like it's being written by Kevin Kline's Otto West. It's annoying and it takes me out of almost any anime I'm watching. It's odd that the films of Kurosawa, Kobayashi, and Ozu can feel completely organic in their writing and performances yet anime still can't. It's all surface glare and nothing else.

A perfect example of this is the character Revy the little minx who's picture hangs above this post. Revy starts out as an interesting character an ultra-tough gun nut who will seemingly kill anybody who gets in her way. Yet by the fifth episode becomes a gibbering lunatic who goes all Starkweather onboard an enemy ship. The reason for this temporary insanity is that she told Rock some things she'd like to keep hidden while the two where stuck on a sub. There's no logic or true flow to whatever the character is doing rather a series of vague philosophical reasons. And this happens with every single character on the show and there's no real depth to it.

On the other hand the artwork is amazing with well designed characters(love the triad boss who looks like Chow Yun-Fat) some really well drawn ladies(The chinese hitwoman Shenhua is really hot) and extremely well done action scenes. So in the end I still enjoy the show for pure escapism yet I'm still annoyed with all the cliches that are brought in front.

Pedicab Driver: The best Martial arts film you've never heard of

On a personal list of very favorite martial arts films(very long list) and possibly on a list of my favorite films ever, Pedicab Driver is certainly in the top ten period. The last in a trilogy of amazing films directed and starring Sammo Hung(the classic Shangai Express and Eastern Condors being the other two) Pedicab Driver brillantly mixes dazzling Kung-Fu and a wonderfully melodramatic story.

In Macau the awesomely named Malted Candy (Max Mok), who falls in love with a young beauty (Fennie Yuen). Little does he know that she hides a dark secret that will not only test his love, but his ability to fight for their lives. Malted Candy's closest friend and fellow pedicab driver Lo Tung (Sammo Hung) forms a challenging romantic relationship of his own with a young baker's apprentice (Nina Li Chi), but that's played mostly for laughs. When Malted Candy and his girl find themselves in serious trouble with a contemptible local crime boss named Master 5 (John Shum Kin-fun), Lo Tung races to their aid and eventually faces the crime boss and his men alongside fellow pedicab driver Rice Pudding (Mang Hoi) for some serious payback.

The story is amazingly melodramatic in the best way(I love this in Hong Kong films) with a rather odd mix of all out comedy and tragedy side by side. Tears are shed, people are killed, and revenge is to be had and all this is backed up by some of the most amazing fights you will ever see.

The first fight starts everything off on a light tone as two factions of pedicab drivers(one lead by Corey Yuen) square off in a comedic mass brawl which is finished off with a great Star Wars joke.

The second fight though is the best and one of the greatest duals in martial arts history. Sammo Hung takes on a corrupt casino boss played my the great Lau Kar-Leung. The fight starts off with rapid fire hand to hand and then switches into a incredible pole fight. It's one of the best fight scenes ever filmed and the center piece of the movie.

Of course the last fight isn't anything to sneeze at either with Sammo Hung taking on both Eddie Maher and Billy Chow in a extremely brutal kickboxing match. The fight is so intense you'd figure somebody would wind up in traction at the end of it.

Although hard to find in it's DVD form Pedicab driver is one of the films you must own if you claim to be a fan of Hong Kong movies and is the first film you should watch if you want to get into Sammo Hung's body of work.

Random fan of Full House on Jump the Shark

i love this show i still watch old reruns they shouldnt have cancled it, so what if stephanie went through it, we all do right? it just made the show more interesting i think, and niky and alex were cute so ha
Jul 10, 2007 12:59 PM Guest

Crouching Street Knight Hidden White Tiger

In anticipation of the feeling I knew I'd have after watching UNITED 93 I wanted to have a couple of pure mainlined 90's martial arts wonders to get me back on my feet. First up was Jeff Speakman in STREET KNIGHT:
I can see why this was the end to Speakman's short run as a theatrical action star. He has plenty of fight scenes but they just don't have the energy that was on display in THE PERFECT WEAPON.
A real problem when these films don't have great action is that you really start to focus on the plot which is usually a bad thing in these films. STREET KNIGHT'S premise made no sense to me. A group of rogue cops try to end the truce between the local black and latino gangs. They do this so that the police will focus their attention on the brewing gang war, thus giving our villains all the time they need to rob a fancy jewelry store.
The ridiculous aspect comes when they rob the jewelry store. It's such a high class joint that it obviously would be nowhere near the bad part of Los Angeles where the gangs would be fueding.
So while STREET KNIGHT was a letdown I'm glad I saw it for the final act. At one point Speakman has a gun in a bad guy's mouth in order to get some info. Out of the blue another bad guy appears. Speakman fires his gun into the mouth of bad guy #1 and the bullet goes straight through and hits bad guy #2 as well. Neat trick!
Then when Speakman has his showdown with the main boss it looks like the boss has the upper hand. He points his gun at Speakman, then to show how classy he is he recites a line from Shakespeare. This gives Speakman the time to toss a knife at the bad guy, followed by Speakman's gal pal tossing him a gun, followed by Speakman firing about a dozen shots into the bad guy. Then Speakman gets to recite his own line in response to the bad guy's Shakespeare quote:
"Hasta la vista. Schwarzennegger."
Hold up! Penalty on the play. You can't take someonelse's line and then just because you quote them expect it to be okay.
But the true highlight comes as the credits start to roll. They begin with a dedication. I expected it to be for perhaps a crew member who passed away during pruduction of STREET KNIGHT. Instead this is the dedication:
"This film is dedicated to the United Kenpo Family and for gang truce everywhere."
Now that there is some true social impact.
Next up for me was Gary Daniels' WHITE TIGER. In this outing Daniels found himself in the rare position of a DEA agent whose partner is murdered. Who is his partner murdered by? Everybody's favorite Asian ganglord Cary Tagawa(He was in Mortal Kombat kids).
WHITE TIGER wasn't quite as unrelenting as Daniels' RECOIL or RAGE but I dug it. Tagawa is in usual(angry) form, there are some solid fight scenes, and lots of neck snappings including the rare neck snapped in between two legs which Daniels pulls off with measured precision.
At one point Daniels' love interest is kidnapped by Tagawa, just like Tagawa did to Lundgren in SHOWDOWN IN LITTLE TOKYO. Daniels reacts to this kidnapping the same way Lundgren did, by spending a good deal of time training himself with martial arts shadowboxing before actually going after his lady.
Daniels also does one of my favorite things a hero can do in a film. He puts a picture of Tagawa on his mirror to serve as a constant reminder of who his enemy is. I wish I had some mortal enemy whose picture I could stick on my bathroom mirror. I can asure you people that I've got a picture of my own mortal enemy taped to my mirror.(It's John Stamos if you where wondering)



Random post from a Walker Texas Ranger board.
The show jumped in the middle of the 8th season when they started showing less and less of that HOT new ranger, Gage (Judson Mills). We want more Gage!!!!! ~Squeekybat65

Death Before Dishonor:The forgotten classic

think it's impossible to create a strict definition of a B movie. It's a little like deciding what a character actor is. Most people would hear that term and immediately think Michael Rooker, Joe Pantoliano, and William H. Macy. But then Johnny Depp always plays a wide assortment of different roles and he's a huge star. Is he a character actor? I'd say yes but there are probably a lot of people who wouldn't think of him in connection to that term.
For example, when you hear the concept of CON AIR you think B movie all the way. But then it has an Oscar winning lead in Cage and a villain who has been nominated for a few Oscars in Malkovich. Plus, it was a gigantic summer blockbuster. I would say it is a B movie but the studio that released it certainly wasn't looking for it to make B movie money.
I'll say one thing though, the flick I just watched is most definitely a B movie and one of my personal favorites. It was Fred Dryer's one shot at the big screen in DEATH BEFORE DISHONOR.
I cannot imagine a movie like this ever being released in a theater today. I know some folks have a problem with how terrorists are portrayed in TRUE LIES. TRUE LIES might as well be MUNICH compared to DEATH BEFORE DISHONOR. Watching it was a little bit like seeing those old WW2 era Bugs Bunny cartoons. With DISHONOR I was equal parts entertained and ashamed while watching. Okay, maybe I was more entertained than ashamed but you get the idea.
I never actually saw "Hunter" when it was on back in the day, but I'm going to go on record and say that Dryer kills more dudes in DISHONOR than he did during his entire run on that series. I'm sure most people have seen that cool moment in RONIN where DeNiro fires a rocket launcher from a moving car. Well Dryer goes DeNiro one better (there's something you won't hear often) and fires a bazooka from a jeep, a jeep that he is driving.
I also love the secondary tagline that appears on the film's poster. "In a world pf compromise, he wouldn't." If you're into these films then DISHONOR should be up your alley. The DVD can be had for very cheap in the Amazon Marketplace listings.





John Wayne's racist quote of the day:
"I've directed two pictures and I gave the blacks their proper position. I had a black slave in The Alamo, and I had a correct number of blacks in The Green Berets."

A hymn to the rock and roll vixen

I've seen many strange things on the internet as a result of searching for barely legal pornography(it's a hobby) but few things amuse me more than the furry fandom.

Now I bet you as the reader of this blog is thinking "Oh boy more furry pornography involving diaper wearing baby bears being unbirthed by by a lion while he's jacking off." But no that's not what you'll be seeing because frankly I find that shit boring(It's nothing I can't see in a Jodorowsky movie.) no what I love about the fandom are the mediocre writers and their little bizarre stories with my very favorite being Earl Bacon's Cassie The Rock and Roll Vixen.

http://www.cassietherockvixen.furtopia.org/

Who is Cassie you may ask? Well Cassie is a anthropomorphic fox that plays rock and roll(and metal as the writers seem fit to remind you at least ten times in a story) in a band called "Cassie's Band."

She tours with a group of apperently awesome musicians who follow her like she's some kind of pagan demi-god.

The band members are:

Laretta :

a punk coffed wolfess who plays a mean back-up guitar and has severe Confidence issues.

Cindy:

A bass playing biker snow leopardess who also happens to be a(hilarious) alcholic.

Alex:

A teenage Artic vixen who plays drums and happens to be the stupidest character in the history of writing.

Rachel:

A gothic doe who plays the keyboards(and KEY-TAR!) and who happens to be one of the most one note characters I've ever seen.

Together these five ladies get involved in the day to day problems all bands face like record contracts, angry ex-band members, accidental nudity, tabolid reporters, drug abuse, and vampires. Yes VAMPIRES lots and lots of vampires.

You see Rachel the keyboardist is dating a collie named Dominic who just happens to have been the first furry vampire and this is where the stories reach a level of gonzo brillance that has to be seen to be believed.

You see Dominic is worshipped almost like a god by the furry vampires who he has spawned and they want to use him in a underground war against the human vampires who want to destory them. Yes it sounds like something out of Underworld(or whatever some goth kid wrote in his journal at school) but the reason it's so awesome is how it's inserted into a rather bland rock band story. It's like Earl Bacon(who yes is a featured character in the story) just got bored writing one day and said "Fuck it I'm gettin' me some hot vampires in here!"

It's all wonderfully bizarre and that's not even touching on some of the billions of other characters featured in the story. Like Wu the chinese dragon mobster or Rafe Alex's cop boyfriend who got turned into a vampire after he was raped by another man(classic) or Shiva the lesbian vampire bodyguard to the group. There's more great characters here than in any of Jane Austen's books and I'll say that Cassie the Rock vixen may be one of the great works of fiction in our time.

To start my first post here on my blog I thought I'd share with you lucky gits something cool.



I've seen many a list of greatest movie shootouts and quite frankly most of them are pretty terrible so I've set out to make my personal "top ten greatest shootouts in the history of film" list and you lucky sonofabitches get to see it.





1. The Wild Bunch final shootout
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8OLvEJ3kP1s&mode=related&search=

Not only the best in terms of style but also just the feel and emotion. This is heroic bloodshed before people gave it that name with a couple of losers finally taking a heroic last stand for once in their lives. Brutal, Violent as all hell, but also romantic in it's last hurrah.

2. The Killer shootout in the Church
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EM5pGXCRPOM

If Peckinpah started the style then it's Woo that kicked it into overdrive. Douglas Sirk combines with pulp french gangsterism to create a shootout where the violence is almost more beautiful than grusome and where tears flow just as much as blood.

3. Hard-Boiled various hospital shootouts.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4SNmELMoOaQ

While not nearly as deep as the Killer Hard-Boiled stands as the single best buddy cop film ever made. There's more bullets in the hospital scenes alone than in most war movies. The whole film defines the action genre and is filled with the type of gunfights that most be seen to be believed. But the hospital shootouts are the best.

4.Heat bank robbery shootout
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J7exsa3zXI8

Michael Mann is one of the single greatest American directors working today. His characters much like those of director Jean-Pierre Melville speak little but who's actions define them and this shootout is a perfect example of this. Intense and almost doctumentary like in it's realism Heat's shootout is one of the best most powerful ones ever filmed.

5. Miami Vice Ending shootout
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9P_I2F4kAA0

Another Michael Mann film and one that people will either love or hate(I thought both it and the Fountain where the best films of '06) but the shootout can't be argued with. Unspooling like a bad episode of cops the shootout shot mostly handheld is frankly brillant.

6. Open Range ending shootout
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lq3zjTmVLbM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r3agDSq2DJA&mode=related&search=
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=00RfIVn8Yp8&mode=related&search=

A truly badass little ending shootout which makes me think back fondly on all those movies I watched with my dad as a kid only far more intense. Kevin Costner blowing the guy away at the beginning is a great little kickass moment.

7. Commando shootout at the mansion
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T1UIndKma-M&mode=related&search=

If there's ever a movie that defines 80's action to me then it's Commando. Gloriously stupid, Macho, and frankly pretty gay Commando is the movie Rambo part 2 should have been. And the ending shootout is the greatest scene in all of Arnold's movies no debate.


8. Joshua Tree(Army of One) Chop-Shop shootout
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xOe53JpWQpE

Some people claim that the Matrix has the best Hong-Kong style shootout in an American film but I'll argue this film has it beat. Directed by big time stuntman Vic Armstrong Joshua Tree's shootout is utterly over the top and insanely violent with some of the best squibs I've ever seen. A lost action classic.

9. Legacy of Rage
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=toWUj5L3DWQ (if somebody can find a better clip of this scene please let me know)

For Brandon Lee's only Hong Kong film he decided that rather than try and do martial arts battles like his father he's instead try and do a John Woo like scene. Far more goofy and over the top than any of Woo's stuff Legacy of Rage recalls a Robert Rodriguez action scene with billions of bullets flying every where and an insane amount of carnage. Awesome in everyway.

10. Extreme Prejudice
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nsbVtvx3PPw

Although pretty much a ripoff of The Wild Bunch ending it's still awesome to see Clancy Brown blowing people away with a shotgun while getting filled with lotsa lead. The whole movie is one of my personal favorites and is still my very favorite Walter Hill movie.(and considering how much I love Walter Hll that's alot)

Well this is my first post and my first of most likely many lists so any feed back would be great.

See you all for now suckas.